


Creatures and Creative Circumvention

by Argentum_Industires



Series: Critmas 2018 [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Frumpkin has a minimal amount of self preservation, Gen, Now they need a new plan, The plan did not work, They had a plan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 14:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17204978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argentum_Industires/pseuds/Argentum_Industires
Summary: It was supposed to be a normal mansion.It was not supposed to have traps, and fake panels, and a menagerie of creatures which really should not look the way they did.Most importantly, Beau was not supposed to be stuck in said menagerie with Caleb while the rest of the Nein were scattered in the house.Caleb had now pointed this out four times.





	Creatures and Creative Circumvention

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stuff_and_nonsense](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuff_and_nonsense/gifts).



> So, uh, I realised about 6 hours from the deadline that maybe I was only supposed to write one piece? Maybe not. I'm slightly confused. Anyway, I wrote more than one, and had fun doing it, so stuff_and_nonsense, here's your fourth, and final, Critmas piece.
> 
> Loved writing these all, and I hope you all like reading them!

“So, was this part of the plan?”

“Shut up, man, the demon ghost corgis will hear you.”

To be fair to the planning skills of one Beauregard, no one had told them that the mansion of the corrupt official they had been tasked with investigating would have demon ghost corgis. They also hadn’t mentioned the trap floors through which three of their members had fallen, the shocking handle which had knocked Nott out cold or the sliding panel which had cut her and the wizard off from the group. Right before the floor turned into a slippery slide, throwing them down into what she could only assume to be the petting zoo of a deranged psychopath.

It occurred to her in that moment, as they hid behind a makeshift ledge, that that was probably a feeding mechanism for the menagerie of tiny tarrasques, modified chimeras and yes, demon ghost corgis which the two of them had fastidiously tip toed around.

“Oh, let us do this one mission Caleb, come on Caleb, we don’t need to rest up Caleb…” snarked the wizard, anxiously running his gloved hand through his frazzled hair. A few locks were singed by the gout of flames that had jetted out from the ceiling on the third floor. Some people had too much money.

“Why don’t you make yourself useful?” Beau whispered back, her eyes darting once more over the ledge to track the movements of what she could only assume was what happened when you made a hummingbird angry. And six foot tall.

“What exactly do you expect me to do? There are many, many of them between the two of us and that door.” Caleb stated, pointing out the obvious with a deadpan delivery.

“Can’t you, I don’t know, fireball them or something?” Beau answered. The hummingbird (was it still a bird if it’s wings appeared to be made of metal?) was getting closer.

“Only if you wish for us to burn along.” his Zemnian accent thickened in response.

“Well what do you want me to do? Punch the tarrasque to death?” she snapped back.

“Mini, tarrasque, and is that not your usual solution?” Caleb précised, his deadpan reaching new levels of inflection.

“Not when there are many, many of them between the two of us and that door.” she echoed back sardonically, shifting slightly to the left in order to get a better view.

“Fair point”

They both turned once more to the animals (creatures? Monsters? Abominations from another plane? An undersized orangutan with a glowing nametag that read “Jeff”?) that for the moment seemed to pay them no mind, each milling around inside its pen. Though there did not seem to be any true barriers between them, they showed no animosity towards each other, rather focusing on their own enclosures and the small toys littered around for them to enjoy.

Beau watched as several of the creatures stopped to follow the movements of a moth that must have wafted in, seemingly entranced by the movement.

She had a new plan.

“Hey, Caleb, from how far away can you command Frumpkin?”

***

Jeff the undersized orangutan had had a pretty easy life. Born on the steel countertop of the mansion’s eccentric owner, he had led a pampered, if constrained, existence. Nothing out of the ordinary had occupied the small number of braincells that existed inside his head.

That was, of course, until a ginger cat trotted out in the middle of all the enclosures, sat down, looked right at him and blepped. All of the limited grey matter that resided in his skull was suddenly overwhelmed by the thought that the kitty was very cute, and possibly delicious.

Jeff wanted the kitty.

So did every other creature around him.

***

As chaos erupted in the centre of the room, Beau shoved Caleb out from behind the ledge, quickly guiding them to the side of the chamber. She ducked under the stinger of a scorpion cat, gracefully leaping off the wall to their right to grab the underside of the chute which had dropped them into the room, swinging over the chaos to the door on the far end.

Caleb was not there with her. She turned around to see the wizard still at the other side, as his threw his hands up in exasperation before miming in a surprisingly effective way that no, he couldn’t do that, and if he tried, he would die and possibly get eaten.

That was the exact moment Jeff’s paw tried to close around Frumpkin’s form, and the small fey decided it would be good to poof out of existence. Distractingly cute creature gone, the menagerie took about four seconds to clock unto the humans’ presence.

Caleb’s eyes met hers.

“Oh, come on.”

***

Frumpkin landed back into existence on the other side of the door. Perking up an ear, he heard a series of yowls, roars, thumps and curses coming from the other side.

The fey cat sat down, slowly beginning to groom the fur which had gotten matted in the jump between existential planes. Frumpkin may be loyal, yes, but he was not stupid.

A few minutes, some loud groans, the distinct smell of sizzling fur and the high-pitched yelp of what Frumpkin could only assume was a tarrasque getting hit in the nether regions later, Beau and Caleb came stumbling out of the door.

They made it a few more steps into the room, simultaneously dragging each other along and bearing down one another before finally collapsing unto the ground next to the cat.

Beau turned to Caleb.

“Went off without a hitch”

She didn’t even try to avoid the small fey creature hurled at her.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, Kudos and Comments feed my soul


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